NaNoBlogMo2 - The Importance of Caring

Its late(r then when I normally post), I've had some wine and I'm already running out of topics for my blog. So this entry will probably be on the shorter and/or more rambly side.

 

This Saturday night I went to the MAC Championship for marching band. For three years I was in the East Hartford High School marching band. I learned drill and my music and went to championships like MAC. Perhaps I am remembering incorrectly...but I am pretty sure we were terrible. 

 

These bands were amazing. Here is a clip I found online of the band that won:

 

It made me think of how important it is to care about what you are doing. Those high school students would not have been as precise and amazing and together as they were if they didn't all care. I don't think my fellow classmates cared when I was in a marching band. And I think a large part of it was we had no expectation of success or history to live up to. I know for at least one of the championships we went to, there were no other bands in our division so we had nothing to go up against.

 

Back when I did dance, I cared. I remember whenever I got a compliment it usual went something like this: "You are a great dancer...you look like you are having such a good time!" I think those things are absolutely linked. If I had been a technically perfect dancer but didn't have the usual GIANT SMILE that I had during recitals I don't think I would have gotten any compliments.

 

It matters in theater and improv as well. A lot of improv means being ok with looking silly at times, because looking silly and giving 100% looks amazing whereas looking silly and not caring looks awful. I remember a defining moment of realizing how amazing and trusting and OK with being silly my troupe is when we were doing an exercise where someone would give us an item we would have to create as a group with our bodies. The suggestion was dragon and I lept forward to be a wing and half a second behind me was another member being another wing, then immediately followed some jaws and spikes...no hesitant, no one was doing it halfway. We were all invested and caring, no matter how silly it might seem.

 

So yeah...caring matters. And creating things with other people that care matters too. I hope this entry feels like it has a point.

NaNoBlogMo2 - From Within (My First 5K)

**Apologies for the extremely long entry. Apparently I am wordy today.**

True motivation comes from within.

I've often considered myself to be a person that looks externally for motivation, affirmation and validation. I was a very good student throughout my entire educational experience and my usual answer to the question "why do you work so hard?" was that I wanted to make my parents happy & proud. I am also an improvisor now, which means I am constantly reacting to outside stimuli:  my scene partner(s), the audience, etc.

The more experiences I have, though, the more important I realize it is for me to internalize and look within for my reasons to do what I do, no matter how big or small. This blog is an example of that. I've only told about a handful of people that I am doing my 30 posts in 30 day challenge this year, because the real challenge is for myself, not because I am looking to get a lot of readers. Losing weight these past two years is another example. This was the first time I didn't have some deep lingering doubt that I would fail. I just looked at it as something I needed to do, and realized that I was the one and only person responsible for my success.

And now....running. Running is something I never thought I would do or enjoy. After I graduated from high school and no longer had to take part in the presidential fitness test (even the memory of those days makes me shudder), I thought for sure I would never run again. And yet after I started going to the gym and had been for a few months, I first dared to step on to a treadmill and try to run.

It was pretty terrible. I had no sense of pace and could barely breath and just felt awful about the whole thing. And for reasons I can't explain, I kept at it. I just knew that I wanted to get better at it. The same mix of frustration and motivation and desire to improve that was there when I started playing guitar or started TaeKwon-Do (both things I struggled with at the start) was coming from within while I was on that treadmill. I never thought I would feel that way about running. There was no coach with a timer and clipboard telling me I needed to do this for class, no one watching or judging or making me do it. I just wanted to do it. For me.

I improved a bit. It was slow going. I noticed I didn't have to walk as long in between my run breaks before I noticed any improvement in my running. I don't know if everyone else feels the same way, but I tend to feel awful while I am running. Even now. I feel achey and out of breath. But more and more I feel amazing when I am done. My body feels strong and powerful and I have a lot of energy when I start my morning with a run. Maybe as some point I will actually enjoy the running part of running (I can report in after I finish my 40 miles this month), but not yet.

As I've said, I work better with deadlines. I said in the spring that I wanted to do a 5K in the fall. And after making half-assed plans quite a few times, my friend Julia (who is amazing at so many things, including having run the Hartford Marathon last month) and I finally picked a 5K and went today. The Freedom Run.

Last Saturday I realized it was going to be cold and that I had never run outside before (at least not since high school). So I went to EMS and after wandering lost and confused about the store, a kindly saleswomen pointed me in the direction of some warm, breathable, wicking clothes. Having no experience and no opinion, I just bought what she suggested. On Sunday, after sky diving, I put on my gear (the pants are the most comfortable pants IN THE WORLD) and headed to my old high school track to attempt running outside before my 5K.

I figured since I had already gone sky diving that morning, it was already a pretty successful day so I didn't need to run that much. I would just do a mile to make sure I could breath in the cold and that my clothes were comfy enough to run in, and then I would head home. I ended up doing 3.5 miles. Again, I don't know where it came from. No one was there to watch or to judge me, but something inside made me want to finish that first mile...and then run even more.

Before our 5K

Honestly, I think I was more nervous for the 5K then I was to go sky diving. I had more responsibility in the running. Sky diving I was attached to someone else who was going to handle all the tough stuff like directing us to land and knowing when to pull the chute. With the 5K...that was me. I would need to pace myself. I would need to be responsible. I would need to not fall down. And if didn't complete it I knew it would only be my fault and I would be the one discouraged.

I sent ridiculous emails with all the questions I was worrying about to Julia. When should we get there? When should we register? What should I eat the day of? How much music should I prepare? As my usual panicky self, I insisted we get there far too early. We registered and got our numbers and shirts (which was super exciting for me) and spent the time chatting, walking and stretching.

I used Julia like a sounding board for my ricidulous worries. All I could think was, "I'm fat, I can't do this." "I have chronically sprained ankles, I can't do this." When I started bemoaning the fact that I had a blister on the arch of my foot, Julia just laughed at me and said "You are just looking for things to worry about". I agreed she was right and shut up. Considering I had run the equivalent of a 5K a few times before this, I really have no idea why I was worrying.

The start seemed to happen pretty quickly. We all (I think about 400 runners were there) moved forward in a herd. Julia laughed and said "This is my favorite part." as we all bunched up. Soon the runners were spread out and we had our pace set pretty well. We passed a bag piper and Julia noted how its not the most inspiringly music to run to, though it does feel like a salute. For most of the run, Julia talked while I gave mostly monosyllabic responses (which is exactly how I predicted the run to her before we started). She told me about the book she was reading and previous races. She checked in often about how I was doing and our pace, and said encouraging things and made me laugh. All in all she was a joy to run with. We laughed together as the man in front of us (who I had been using to pace myself) gave an encouraging butt slap to his female running partner.


Happy 5K Finishers!

When our feet hit the 1 mile mark, we kept running. That was actually a big deal for me as I have never run more than a mile without taking a walk break. We planned to walk at the 1.5 mile water break, but it wasn't there...it was actually after the 2 mile mark. There was also a bit of a fakeout where we thought we were just about at the finish only to find out we needed to loop past the finish and come back. As we were nearing the end we both put on some music to get us ready for the end. Right when we were ready for the last bit of running to the finish, "Don't Stop Me Now" came on my iPod, which first of all is just a great song as you near a finish line but also has special Sea Tea meaning.

Julia and I held hands as we bursted past the finish line. I heard the announcer say "Steeeeeeeephanie RICE!" which was absolutely awesome. I did not know they announced the names when you finish. We got some water, Julia patted me on the back and said "You did it!". And now, just like Julia and Laura said I would, I am wondering why I was so worried. It was easier then I thought it would be and I feel great having done it. I am already thinking of how I'll need to sign up for another in the spring and see if I can beat my time (36:47).

Mileage: 3.5

NaNoBlogMo2 - Yoga

Yoga is one of those hobbies that just sort of creeped up on me.


I went a few times on the invitation from my friends Sabrina & Kathryn, and mostly went to be social since I rarely get to see them (despite the fact that they both live less then 10 minutes away from me). I actually put off going for a while when I was at my heaviest. I didn't like the idea of not having the stamina to make it through the class, or getting embarrassed if I couldn't keep up or do all the positions. At some point I realized that putting off exercise until you are in shape doesn't really make sense (plus I had shed quite a few pounds on diet alone), so I finally tagged along.

 

At this point let me say that I would still consider myself very much a yoga n00b, despite having gone about 10+ times or so. I don't really know the terms or styles and I've really only had one instructor. So. That warning label aside...
  

At a "Yoga in the Streets" event in West Hartford this July.

I like it. Coming from a dance background, I especially like that Nykki, the Saturday morning "Power Yoga" instructor, plays music during class and often has us flow through different positions in a way that feels very much like choreography.

Its also served as a way to show myself that I am getting stronger and fitter. When I first started showing up for yoga classes, more then 30 seconds in downward facing dog and my arms and legs would be shaky and painful, but now I feel stronger. Steadier. After every class I have a satisfying whole-body ache that comes from a good workout. And almost every time I leave thinking two things: 1) I did not know I could get into that position and 2) I did not know I could sweat that much.

Each class ends with shavasana (huh, I guess I do remember some of the terms), which basically involves lying on your back and meditating/breathing. Sometimes there is a prayer/positive thinking moment. I am not a religious person in the least. I would consider myself agnostic: I would love to be proven wrong but at no point have I felt the existence of a higher/greater power and there is no part of me that believes there is. I also tend to be extremely cynical when it comes to most things that fall under the umbrella of "New Age". And yet, I do think there is something to be said about the power of thought and the importance of clearing your mind once in a while. That is a large part of why I think I feel so good after yoga. It forces me to be in my body and to get out of my head. I focus on my breath for a lot of things. To get through pain, to help me relax, to help me fall asleep. Spending some time turning off the constant stream of conciousness once in a while and only thinking about breathing in and breathing out is very refreshing.

Easy Bird of Paradise
From http://www.athleta.net

As a quick side story, in the last class I went to before today's, I realized how much of kid, or specifically a teacher's pet, I still am. While getting into the pose "easy bird of paradise" (despite the name, not the easiest position), I was able to get into the pose smoothly and confidently. Nykki made eye contact with me and gave me a quick smile and nod. That was it. And yet I felt as proud as a first grader who just got a scented "GOOD JOB!" sticker on their spelling test. :D

I've got two more classes on my card. At the moment I'm a bit torn if I want to add more when I use those up or start looking more seriously into taking up a dance class or other hobby again like I've been thinking about. I guess we'll see when the time comes!

NaNoBlogMo2 - Improv Networking

There is a part of me that doesn't really "get" networking. As a person that can sometimes be honest and blunt to a fault, networking almost feels like lying to me. Pretending to like someone more then you do, acting like you are friends so that you can get favors from one other, or changing personality from event to event to be the person you think people want you to be. I suppose that is a rather cynical way of looking at it, but I want to spend time with people I genuinely like that genuinely like me. All that aside, I can definitely see the pluses of networking and have reaped the benefits of it personally and professionally.

Improv networking is something I can get behind even more. Especially in Connecticut. The improv community in CT is still rather small and spread out, but it is growing and connecting more and more each day. One of the main reasons I (and all of Sea Tea) is excited for our new studio space is that we want it to be a hub of improv for all improvisors in Connecticut, not just us. We have a board by the door where anyone can hang up show posters or their troupe logo or notices regarding events. There's already been a mixer and I hope more troupes and individuals will soon take advantage of the space.

Also, on the subject of networking and improv, I rather unexpectedly ended up helping to forge some connections on a much wider scale recently. A few months back Sea Tea brought Will Luera from Improv Boston to teach a few workshops in Hartford. We were all discussing our improv backgrounds, so I mentioned how I did improv in Shanghai with Zmack and The People's Republic of Comedy. After the workshops, Will mentioned how Improv Boston was going to Japan later this year and how they were trying to find a reason to stop in China too. He asked me to put him in contact with my former troupes, so I very happily did.

Fast forward to now and its officially happening! I felt a thrill checking out Zmack's website and seeing a poster for Improv Boston's visit. They are doing a show and workshop and I helped it happen! I gave Will a few suggestions of tasty Shanghainese cuisine to eat during his visit (I miss sheng qian bao more then I want to admit) and asked him to tell me how it goes afterwards. Its very bizarre and exciting at the same time to think how I helped to connect these improv troupes from thousands of miles away....there's networking for you! I hope the show and workshop go amazingly. I just wish I could be there myself.

Tonight is the the official grand opening for the studio, so I guess I'll be doing even more improv networking. Its easier, though, when you already know pretty much everyone that's coming and we'll be talking about something I love to do!

NaNoBlogMo2 - Haunted History Lantern Tour

Not to sound like a broken record, but being in Sea Tea has lead me to do some odd gigs over the last few years. And I mean "odd" in the sense of "stuff I would have been interested in doing anyway but never thought I would get to do". With most of these gigs I am with at least one other Sea Tea'r, but for one I did last month I struck out solo.

Our self described "biggest fan", Tomas Nenortas, contacted Julia about having some of us help out for the Cedar Hill's Haunted History Lantern Tour. I was the only member available. When I signed on, the only thing I knew was that it was a haunted cemetery tour and I would need to play a dead person. But that was enough to pique my interest. I thought this would be something along the lines of a haunted house where I would be dressed in rags and spend a few hours screaming and scaring young couples and teenagers. The reality could not be further from that.

The way the Cedar Hill Haunted History Lantern Tour works is that guests get a tour of the cemetery by light of flashlights and glowsticks. At certain points along the way, the tour pauses, the guide turns on a light in front of a grave, and a spirit appears to tell the interesting story of either their life or death. It was my job to play the part of Helen, the stepdaughter of Richard Beckwith, a Titanic survivor.

I had all of one rehearsal with the group doing the tour, during which I was incredibly ill. Note to self: spending a cold night in graveyard when already sick...not a good idea. I spent the next two days sick in bed. I was given a monologue to learn and asked if I would be able to find a decent costume. I of course had only to pick something out of my closet.



Standing in front of the Beckwith monument in my "costume".

It doesn't happen often, but whenever I play the part of a real person, it always makes me feel a little odd. My first thought is always, what would this person think of how I am portraying them if they were to see me? I played Helen a touch insolent towards her mother and step-father, and very much in younglove with her boyfriend (and future husband). This experience in particular was made extra weird since I was standing on the Beckwith family plot.

The night itself was interesting and boring in turns. Tours went out every 15 minutes from 6:00 to 9:30. Which meant I gave my monologue 14 times (am I doing my math right?), but there was a lot of sitting around and waiting in between the tours. I sat in my folding chair, wrapped in my shawl. I trolled facebook and twitter, texted friends and read Game of Thrones on my phone until the phone nearly died. I also made up a few songs to amuse myself (my favorite was called "My Glowstick", prompted by the glowsticks showing the tour path).

Addressing one of the tours.

When a tour would come up (and I could always hear them coming from my hiding place behind the grave monument), I would walk to my mark in front of the light. I kept my glasses off as they are a bit too modern looking for 1914ish. Once everyone gathered, the light would be turned on and I would be pretty much blinded after having sat in the dark. I would give my monologue into the light, trying to connect with an audience I couldn't see, and always enjoyed the reaction from the tour-goers when I mentioned "Titanic". When I was done, I would turn back towards the grave and the light would be turned off and I would be blinded again since my night vision was ruined. My pupils got a workout that night.

I felt oddly disconnected from the audience. As an improvisor I am always reacting to an audiences suggestions, to what makes them react or laugh. Plus I almost always have a scene partner I can connect with. It was a little lonely in that pool of light, saying my scripted words. Don't get me wrong, I had a lot of fun and would be happy to do it again next year if they ask me. I heard one woman say as the tour was leaving "Good actress...cute too!" which made me smile. Another woman stayed behind after the tour to come talk to me, I foolishly was expecting a compliment but was instead told to correct my grammar in the final line of my monologue. Yeesh.

Anyway, here's to more odd and fun gigs.

NaNoBlogMo2 - Camp Sea Tea T-Shirts

For Sea Tea Improv's monthly shortform shows at the City Steam Brewery Brew-Ha-Ha Comedy Club, we will, at times, have a theme. For example, every year since I have been a member (I'm not sure about beforehand) we do our October show in Halloween costumes. My first year I dressed up as "the ocean" (my least favorite costume), complete with felt sea creatures, blue hair and a skirt made of a net. My second year I went as Frida Kahlo, complete with fancy skirts, black hair with roses and a unibrow. Most recently (and my favorite by far), I decided to poke fun of the increasing "sexy-ifying" of every female Halloween costume and went as Sexy Benjamin Franklin, complete with fishnets, balding hair and a cravat. Very very sadly, I have no picture of that costume.


Frida Kahlo in sneakrs, on the far right.

Making a weird face, as usual.

When we do decided to do a theme we take it to heart and it often effects different aspects of the show. This summer, Julia decided she wanted to have a "Camp" based Sea Tea show.

 

My well-used Camp Sea Tea stencil.

As regular audience members to our shows might notice, we have stopped wearing our Sea Tea shirts for our City Steam shows, though we still do wear them for some other gigs. When Julia mentioned doing a "camp" themed show, the possibility of wearing our shirts came up as a way of making us look like uniformed campers. Which is when I, in my usual craftiness and taking-on-too-muchedness, got super excited about making "Camp Sea Tea" shirts. I bought stencil material, designed how I wanted the image to look (with our logo proudly centered), penciled it on and then proceeded to cut the stencil out with an exacto blade tapped to a pencil. I am not kidding. I found a bunch of replacement blades but no handles/bladeholders/whatevers, so I McGyvered myself one. (I have since bought my own exacto knife since I can never find one in the house when I need it).



 

I could not find any stencil spray glue when I had gone to the store to get other materials, so as a make-do replacement I used hair spray to temporarily adhere the stencil to the t-shirts. I bought white spray fabric paint to use, but since the hair spray wasn't keeping the stencil completely flush with the fabric of the t-shirt and the spray was coming out rather....drippy....I decided against just spraying the paint straight on. What I ended up doing was spraying the paint thickly onto a wad of paper towels and then dabbing the paint soaked paper over the stencil. It took longer and probably wasted a good deal of paint just loading up the paper towels, but it gave me better control and I think the results came out pretty well. I ended up making more camp Sea Tea shirts for another event and that time I had spray stencil glue, but I still ended up using the "dab with paper towel" method. I also learned quickly that I needed to put some newspaper between the front and back of the tshirts or it would bleed all the way through.

One of the finished shirts.

I am happy with the results. I originally imagined something more polished (as I pretty much always do with no matter what project I am working on), but my troupemates seemed to like them. We made ourselves extra "campy" with plaid shirts, shorts, boots, hats, bandanas, etc. Personally I put my hair up in pigtails and put on all the frienship bracelets I could find among my jewelry. The show was a lot of fun too with Julia as our conselor. Hopefully I'll find another excuse to wear my camp shirt soon, but considering that its currently snowing out I think I'll have to wait quite a while.



Mileage: 2.5


NaNoBlogMo2 - Painting the Great Wall

When I posted in my blog for NaNoBlogMo last year and mentioned that I am not much of a painter, but still enjoy it, my good friend Rose said that we should get together and paint sometime. Being a lady of her word, she and her hubby (Jesse, also a good friend of mine) came up for a visit and I received a present: everything I needed to make a nice painting (including a palette, paints, brushes, canvas, etc) in a lovely wood box. One of the days of their visit, we set everything up in the living room to spend a day painting. My easel that I received for Christmas years ago from my parents got dusted off and readjusted.

For inspiration, I thumbed through a book my mother got in Beijing years ago with different pictures of the Great Wall. The day we painted was a long time ago, so I can't remember the details too much, but I believe that Rose suggested or gave some advice that lead me to pick this picture as a good one to start with.

 I'm not too impressed with the end result, but I'm not disappointed either. Painting is not my strong suit, but it looks pretty close to what I was using as a reference. There are a few parts I am quite proud of. The sky looks pretty nice, and the shadow cast by the wall. Rose helped me with the clouds and gave advice from time to time regarding mixing paints, proper layering and such.

It took some effort for me to not be an idiot and to actually listen to Rose. I don't know if I've said this plainly in this blog, but I have a problem sometime (aka....often) listening to advice. If someone tries to help me, for some reason my brain immediately says "THIS PERSON THINKS I'M STUPID". It is a ridiculous reaction, moreso in this case because I welcomed Rose and wanted her advice.

The epilogue to this story is that I haven't painted since that day. I am pretty sure painting will continue to be something that I thoroughly enjoy....once in a blue moon.